'Til Death Do Us Apart.....

‘Til Death Do Us Apart

When I closed my eyes, all I could see was the wheels of a car. The car rushing towards my face and just as I kept watching, it smeared my face and it was painted blood all over the road. This was the last thought that my mind was able to visualize before I was awoken by the little drops of water in my face and as I managed to open up my eyes, I could see that it was the rain that broke my sleep. I turned around my head and saw my room-mate still awake, I checked my watch, it was 15 past 3 in the morning. He bluntly said, “Nasty drops eh?”
I smiled and answered back, “Yea, you still up?”
“Yep, that’s what it looks like, this crazy girl man, just won’t sleep and won’t let me, what woke you up sleepyhead?”
I snapped back, “A bad dream, a sweet feeling, I guess”.
“You cocky bastard, always need to say something gayish, don’t you?” and smiled.
“Yea, right, pass me the cigarettes man.” I asked.
“Here you go” saying that he threw the cigarettes at me.
I took one out and lit it. Although it was dark outside, few street lights shimmered, trying to stay lit. The dogs ran from here and there to escape the rain. I smiled from within and kept wondering whether or not I should venture out. I leaned back smothering the pillow by the wall and the smoke kept engulfing the whole of me. I passed the box of cigarettes to my roomie and he kept complaining about his new fling and all this time I had only one thing in my mind, I kept thinking about her, it had been just a few hours before she broke it off with me because of unknown reasons and I hadn’t even broken the news to my roomie as he always thought my girlfriend or ex-girlfriend as a slattern.
 Many a times, he said he had seen her cozying up with others but I preferred to ignore. For me she was the perfect one but for her I wasn’t.  It was all well and good and then suddenly this, I also for a little time thought of her as a whore but then again we all keep cursing each other in a relationship if that  fails.
“Man, this girl, I’m telling you, she is a slattern.” My roomie suddenly infiltrated my thoughts.
“Why the heck do you always think of every girl as a slattern man?” I snapped back
“Because they are, and if it’s about Neha, then I tell you, I really have seen her with others, why don’t…”
I cut him off by replying, “Man, we broke up.”
His jaw dropped and all he could manage was, “Holy mother of god, finally, finally you listened to me” and flaunted a broad smile.
“It was her man, not me” I replied.
“No worries, it’s good that finally you can again start dating girls and not slatterns.”
I wanted to hit him but then again maybe he was right so I just kept mum and took another cigarette out and started puffing out.
He closed the lid of his laptop and turned towards me and said, “Phew..! Finally she let me go. Hey look it’s still raining, why don’t we head out and enjoy the early morning and besides there’s no office tomorrow. So you wanna join in?” and said that he reached out for his slippers and took out a smoke. I wanted to go out but was in a dilemma and now since I had a companion, I agreed to. My roomie was feeling ecstatic and started humming the lyrics of the song “Holiday” by “Green Day”, and he kept singing, “hear the sound of the falling rain, coming down like an Armageddon flame…….”
We raced out like children’s did when it rained and I really felt great and was happy that I came out,
I felt great, the pain indeed was going away and the felling of paranoia was clinging me slowly but strongly. I stretched out my arms in the air and let the pain go away and the smell of the wet earth felt sweet but just as I turned around I saw a distant light approaching me and then suddenly the next moment, the sweet smell of the wet earth and the pain that was in my heart was numbed suddenly when out of nowhere I saw the car rushing towards my face and just as I kept watching, it smeared my face and it was painted blood all over the road.

Despite my hazy vision, I could see a lot of things around me, my ears were deafened and all the screaming and barking of dogs slowly went mute and then my eyes shut out.
Although, I could hear my roomie shouting out to me to stay alive and my vision was switching back and forth from clear to hazy, amidst all this chaos, I lay there and my mind tried to cope up with it but nothing was as before, that magical feeling was venturing out in the rain turned out to have faded now and my heart was desperately trying to pump blood, somehow so as to stop itself from going out just like the shimmering street lights did but then it was all silence.
As I came to, my body seemed to have given up on me, I felt as I was not inhabiting it anymore; an out of experience. I realized as my phantom self-stared at my remains, on the road, blood splattered and immobile that I had been in an accident!
Yes, I was injured and then something clicked, I indeed was injured and I was no more.
What was real and imaginary?
Death Is real, my thoughts about my ex and all that was a mere figment of my imagination and was a distant thought now.
And as I stood there, my phantom self-concluded, to die is the most realistic experience you’ll ever have,…solid…stable…permanent…death becomes us.

DISCLAIMER – This post is vent for the author’s frustration, nothing on this post needs to be taken seriously and any relation to dead or living is purely co-incidental.
#Peace Out…!! J J

.........................

Frankly, on a personal note, I’ll prefer love marriage over arranged marriage because of the many reasons known (well, mostly are known) and unknown.
Now, close your eyes and just think how would you want your wife to be?
 Tall or short?  Intelligent or dumb? Understanding or nagging? Independent or dependent? Fair or dark? Virgin or non-virgin? And there are many more criteria’s that can be added to the list.
And now, ask yourself very frankly that will be able to know all this the first time that you meet her or say the second time?  She may not open up to you or she even may. But, in the end if she doesn’t and then few years from then when you are Mr. & Mrs. And then suddenly one day she tells you that she loves someone else and so she wants a divorce or even worse than that, she says that she has an illegitimate child of her own with her lover or the worst someday, she just drops the bomb on you and says that originally she is a male and had gone under sex-change. What then? Your whole world will come crashing down. I’m not at all implying that any of these is actually ever gonna happen especially that sex- change one, but neither am I ignoring the fact that if not the third point, the other two might happen and before you realize what she just said, you’d want to jump out of the nearest window. There are chances that all these might also happen in a love marriage.
The thing is that, the world is now divided, one part is formed by our parents and the latter, us. Back in their times also, “cheating” among partners happened but the proportion was less and now it just seems to be increasing exponentially and this is a matter of concern because all that a man or a woman desires is to have a “better-half” with whom he/she spends rest of their life and that’s all that matters but in this present world, there lies this high requirement of “pleasure” that every partner in a couple desires and sometimes when one of them is not able to provide, the other seeks to find pleasure in other way and that is what leads to the ultimate end of a relationship.
Let alone, cheating and stuff, what about “household violence”?
When a girl gets married all that her father wishes is a better life for her and this what I say have witnessed in our village, girls are married off in an early age and then sent to her new home and there, she barely even knows that person but yet she is confident of the choice that her parents have made for her but what if in the future she comes to know that her husband is a drunkard and to top that she even gets beaten because apparently his mood is not good. So, this is one of the drawbacks of arranged marriage and this as we all know is very common. If she would have known her, she wouldn’t have ever got married to such a “human”.
You, see in love marriage people know each other and keep knowing each other until they are confident enough to walk to the altar or to become one from two and this improves the “trust-issue” among them and she knows his likes, dislikes, comforts, discomforts and an awful lot than a person can ever in a single-meet. The thing is that if you are dating someone then it is like a trial, if it doesn’t work, then you don’t buy that stuff or in this case don’t get married to but the direct leap to the marriage in arranged type does not guarantee that you two are perfect for each other and what if it fails? Then there are only two options left “live it” or “leave it”. This is the basic difference between these two “genres” of marriage.
I’m not all saying that arranged marriage is always doomed (in this present world) but just saying that if it comes down to comparing to the chances that a person would take, then I guess most will choose the second option i.e. love marriage or at least that is what I’ll choose.
This post was drafted in response to the contest "Love Ya Arranged Marriage" (http://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange)

CounTry LanE

                                                             COUNTRY LANE

Shuffling through my playlist to listen to a song, something  having a soul as most of today’s song are all about rumbling of instruments and loud screeching of the vocalists backed by ear-deafening music(not that I don’t like it, I do) . So, decided why not take a trip down the “countryside” lane. And when it’s about country, we all know whose name will appear on top, yes the great Bob Dylan, “Blowing in the wind” titled under the same name of album was an instant success, With its strong lyrics it hit the core off the human soul, not to mention “like a rolling stone”, which can still be touted as one of the best songs ever, with its literary ambition, it cracked open the humane soul and appealing to the core. The album, “Highway 61 revisited” was an instant success and is still renowned as one of the best albums to be ever recorded till date. Other notable albums by Bob Dylan are, “Blonde on Blonde” and “Blood on the tracks”. However, the latter album does remind me of the song, “Idiot Wind”, it’s so lovable that you ever forget these type of songs.
Moving on, we can’t actually dismiss the efforts made by John Denver, another legend. With its whiskey smooth lyrics the song, “Take me home, country roads” titled under the album, “Country Roads” made an everlasting impact in the minds of millions. Other notable songs ever sung by Denver are “Rocky Mountain high” and “the eagle and the hawk”. Take my advice, if you ever plan on going on a road trip with your pals, then don’t forget to play this songs by Denver, trust me, it’ll take you down by such an incredible feeling that you won’t be able to express. Although, no rocky mountains exist in India but while listening to it, you’ll feel every ounce of that lyrics and your mind will be able to paint that reminiscing picture.
Although John Lennon was not totally country guy, but still would like to introduce him because of his some all-time great songs, “Oh! Yoko” and “Jealous Guy” and “Imagine”. All these three songs featured in the album titled under the name, “Imagine”. The album as it is described today as one of the most anti-political albums. Lennon quoted on his album, “This is one of the most anti-political, anti-religious, anti-nationalistic, anti-conventional, anti- capitalistic...but because it is surrogated, it is accepted.”
He surely knew how to sugar-coat a political message. Irrespective of the controversies, the album was a straight-hit.
The present generation of country singers does not have high numbers but still notable ones are “The Band Perry”, “lady Antebellum”, “Blake Shelton”, “Carrie Underwood” and etc. but these are the notables and known ones.
“The Band Perry” has released only one album so far. Notable songs are, “Hip to My Heart”, “All Your Life”, “Postcard from Paris”, “The Star Spangled Banner” and “If I Die Young”. The last single, “If I Die Young” was the best among others; it even was nominated for “The 53^rd Grammy Awards” under the category of Best Country Song but lost to Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now”. But, my personal favorite song sung by “The Band Perry” is “All Your Life”. The lyrics are very beautiful and wrote in a very beautiful manner and the vocals and guitar does the rest. Just lay back and enjoy and you’ll slowly feel it flowing within your soul.
Blake Shelton’s singles like, “God Gave Me you” and “Honey Bee” and “All about tonight” and “she wouldn’t be gone” are my favorites. Then there is “Keith Urban” who was climbing with the charts with his hit single, “Long Hot Summer” and what else, I don’t need to actually write something on “Lady Antebellum”, who doesn’t know them, they took the world by surprise by releasing hit singles like, “Need You Know”, “Just a Kiss”, “We owned the night”, “I run to You” and “Love don’t live here”. They raked up 5 Grammy’s in total in the 53^rd Grammy Awards and in total have won 7 Grammy’s and that too in a short span of just 6 years. They are being touted as the next big thing in country music.
Then there is “John Mayer”, termed as the “new god of guitar”. Basically an artiste of alternative, progressive rock and blues but with his new album “Born and Raised” has raised some eyebrows as where was he till now? The album has been given very positive reviews and some have quoted, “His best album till date”. Although, everyone knew that there existed a country side of him but never was it completely shown until now. It’s a classic album with beautiful symphonies and some serious guitar stuff and a total country style rock. It’s like soul-searching meets classic folk rock. The album consists of pretty nice songs, like, “Something like Olivia”, “Walt Grace Submarine Test”, “Love is a Verb”, “Speak for me” and then there is the title track, “Shadow Days”. Oh, how did I forget the other two songs? “Whiskey-Whiskey-Whiskey” and “Queen of California”. The stylistic change-up and unburdening tone accompanied with frequent guitar-riffs account for one of the best works of John Mayer. The title track “Shadow Days” is being termed as the best of the lot but others are pretty good too, it’s just that other songs haven’t been released in a music video. This new album is really worth dying for. DO LISTEN TO IT.

The face of country rock has changed over the years, no doubt in that but in a new and better way. It doesn’t mean that the earlier works by, John Lennon, John Denver, Bob Dylan and others can be discarded. No wonder they are good but the present ones are also not bad.
“Country roads take me home,………”

Creativity

                                      Creativity

Creativity is something that comes from within. It can’t be taught, can’t be learnt, can’t be borrowed and certainly can’t be copied. It can only be improved by constant efforts and constant practice. Creativity lies within everybody, it’s just that few see it and work on it, few see it but rather ignore it and few rather not see it at all. Creativity is like water, it takes the shape of the vessel it is kept and here the vessel is us. It depends on us how we mold it and what shape do we let it take. Creativity can be over whelming, can be an illusion sometimes also. Sometimes, we tend to do so many things or are able to do so many creative things that we end up thinking that we belong to an entirely different league, an “elite” one. We feel like we are golden and anything we put a hand on turns into gold, although gold here is metamorphic but still you get the idea right?
The closest that a man can come to perfection is not to perfect in every damn thing he likes to do but to instead identify “the” thing in which he is best and then nurture it but what happens most of the times is that we get tied up, confused and so overwhelmed that we are not able to decide the best of the lot and in this way that man ends up losing every bit of creativity within him not permanently but enough to tire him and compel him to quit that “shadow” of his that he once desired or dreamt of.
A man is a tough soul but even the toughest of soul can crack when that soul is not able to witness the light at the end of the tunnel, he gets scared and realizes that it’s time to quit chasing dreams and start living in reality. This is where the difference is, few opt out but few still keep moving forward just to get a peek at success at the end of the dark tunnel and they do.
Creativity is a different thing and reality is another different thing but to transfer the creativity into a reality is the biggest challenge or is the toughest exam that a man has to pass in order to live the dream. Few chalk out because they don’t feel like they have got it in them to do it while few are let down by their dear and near ones and that eventually crushes the will.
We’re all a victim of it. Sometimes, we feel like we can do so many things but yet we’re not able to find that one right thing. We’re living on the brink and have completely learnt to open our mind to any of it but if we don’t figure out the best of all the creativity within us, we might as well be lost in this crowd as I mentioned earlier and that’s what sometimes we’re afraid of the most and all that will be left is despair and remorse. We always wanna do so much more and in a unique way but without a guide even the smartest of people can get lost in a desert……. 

How To Dismantle A Heart....

                How To Dismantle A Heart

Feelings are best expressed on a piece of paper. So, here I am jotting down one for my friend, trying to step in his shoes and view from his perspective.
It’s about a girl whom my friend says he loves but is pretty unsure of his feelings as he doesn’t know what to do. I did try to get a closure on his case and he was supportive enough to share it with me. Although the truth is that he had no option left and so here I am.
To start with, the most common love story, saw a girl, liked that girl, tried to talk with her but his behavior and habits “pissed” her off to be specific. Now, on the verge of breakdown (although he won’t accept it), somehow he’s trying to transfer his emotions into hatred for her but yet there lies the “soft” spot for her.
In her view, he’s a drunkard, a smoker, a filthy person and god knows what else. Well, yeah, he’s all of the above except for the fact that he’s a good human being and somehow she doesn’t want to see this.
Apparently, she’s just like the most of the girls, who tries to judge a person by their habits. Yes, habits do define a person’s image but it can never define the person from within. And, yes he drinks but it all started as an adrenaline rush but now most of the times he drinks so that he doesn’t drown in the sorrow of her and yes, he smokes but just to calm the nerves when he’s mind is infiltrated with random thoughts of her. I’m not saying that whatever he does is right, he does need to mend his ways but whenever he tries to, the very moment her thoughts start engulfing him again and weakens him to the very core and hence the addiction. But, still he has promised to get rid of his addictions.
It was not her fault that he started falling for her but neither was it his fault. It just happened, maybe not in a moment but over a period of time. His love or likeness (whatever would you want to call it) is “innocent”. He’s like a clueless person rowing a boat all by himself in a vast ocean and doesn’t know which direction to go, all he knows is that he has to reach an island.
In my view, the best thing that love offers is “innocence”.  And, some girls consider this innocence for stupidity while some; well they just fall in love with it. And, slowly enough, when your innocence is interpreted as stupidity by that person, then you tend to think, that person is “haughty”.
He said me that she had an attitude problem and she also was shy. But, how can a person be shy and attitude conscience at the same time..!!!! So, further observation brought me to the above conclusion, that she was just shy and did not poses an attitude problem but as I said people do misinterpret it and he did the same or maybe still doing the same..!!!!  So, this is his whole story and she isn’t talking to him still so I suggested him the best way out, “Step out of her life; if she can’t see the you for who you’re, then you can “never” make her see it”.
So, this is how you dismantle a heart…!!!!

So, AAGHRAN, as you requested me to write something about your scenario, so I did and that too while I was on a train…!!!! You’re one of the nicest person on earth that I know and ‘am grateful to have a friend like you, “GHUSU”……..!!    J J J
 

Just a Game

                                                                    Just a game

Sometimes, I wonder if I did justice with my life because all we ever  try to do is to go with the flow of it. Just like a stone in water which once dropped keeps flowing with the flow of water until someone picks it up or it gets sidelined on some so called shore. But, the best part is that when a person picks up that stone, the fate of that stone quickly shifts to the holder of that stone. He will either keep it for some reason or pick it up just to throw it back in the stream of water again. Same happens with us. There is a striking similarity i.e. just when you think that you have nothing left in life or you feel like you have hit a rock bottom all you want is to be picked up by someone, someone who’ll either mould you again &keep you or someone who’ll just pick you up to throw back into the game of life…..Isn’t it..???

Well, I can’t speak on behalf of everyone but it has happened with me and I am very grateful to people like them who taught me to play the game of “life” again.
What are we…???
Just a solid figure of bones and muscles with a soul. This soul is what keeps the flame alive…the flame that someone ignites within you when you’ve lost every bit of faith in yourself or when you’ve lost the zeal to get up again. But, at least there is one difference between the rock and us. It’s the desire. The rock surely is a non-living thing but so is the desire until and unless we find the right way to or the right soul to ignite it. The rock can’t go back to the water itself, someone will have to throw it in the water, but we, we humans can do that on our own will. It’s not about giving up when life turns bitter or gets the bad of you…It’s about staying put and playing the challenge with a blend of desire. This is who we are,  we need to learn to get up every time we fall down and instead not turn into some rock and wait for someone to come along and put us back in this life’s game….

While I was in school, there was a particular quote put up on the wall that I admired the most…it read.. “Failure is not when you fail; it’s when you don’t get up again”. It inspired me every time I read it and that thought still lingers in my mind and some time’s it does its purpose…. i.e. to help me get back in the game……….

A new Day

A NEW DAY
___________

Waking up from a dream
the hardest part was yet to come
accepting the truth,that we are already done
No matter how hard i try
the past still lingers on
if faith was to trust then im already done


The bright blue sky
still calls me upon and says
"A new day has come"
leave no stone unturned
the past might shake you down
but you gotta hold it down the line
A new day has come

My wings are now broken
i have become too weak to fly
the patience is still there
that i might come across something better
But,
even deep down i know
nothing ever can be as sweet as you

The bright blue sky
still calls me upon and says
"A new day has come"
leave no stone unturned
the past might shake you down
but you gotta hold it down the line
A new day has come