And My Heart Echoed

And My Heart Echoed

My fingers were itching to let go, to let them dive into the pool of the keys on my keyboard. It’s been a long time, since I wrote apiece. There are infinite reasons for this but the main reason is that my inspiration, my muse, the one who constantly nudged me to propel myself into the realms of writing was no longer around. She had dispersed somewhere with someone. Maybe the dreams that this “someone” had shown her were more boisterous than mine. Maybe he painted her another sky or just maybe, she was tired of those elusive dreams that I had shown her. Either way, the common remainder was me.

It’s been a couple of months now ; I feel sober, not love drunk like I was before. But, I will surely miss her presence. She was a natural aphrodisiac, her presence made me ecstatic. No, not in a vulgar way but in the same way as ones lover makes him/her feel. And now, all her thoughts just disparage at me. Few might call me a glib liar but now that she is really gone, I have nothing left to hide and no one to fear.

To begin with, she never really was mine; right from the start. It was just me, my feelings and my dreams. Though there was a time, when we did have something but I never really cared to give it that much attention.
So, here I am baring myself, accepting what I should have ages ago, immaculately. The present self does feel like an old friend who was ousted, long ago. The songs have now started to tickle my senses, the lyrics drilling a hole in my hard-shelled head. I am still waiting for that day when my thoughts will be my own and not of her. I am waiting on the day.

My soul is now mine for the taking, though still a part of it wants to crawl back to her, jump over the walls that she built between us, pierce through the confusions and reach those little strands of paradise, which once, we had shared.

“You were the one I saw coming and now I’m just confused who it really was and now I’m at the crossroads wondering which way to go and I have tried to run before and now I’m not running anymore.”


NOTE – Before someone draws some conclusion, the title is not plagiarized. Loved that book, so morphed the heading. :P :P :P

Cliche!

Cliche!

I’m searching for a new meaning
beyond your visible living
In the name of love,
lot has been entrusted,
In the name of love,
lot has been done
and a lot has been wasted.

Beyond the emptiness,
beyond the silence
I hope to reach a place,
where your presence will not be felt
where your existence will not bother me
where your life will never intersect mine
where we become more than just independent.

I always thought you to be the special one
one, who swept the ground off my feet
one, who made my heart skip its multiple beats
one, who gave a new meaning to my life
one, who taught me, it’s good to have hope.

But, a lot has been done in the name of love
let’s not add another reason to everything that we’re not.

Childhood for sale? I'm buying it!

Childhood  for sale? I'm buying it!

Little hands fiddling and curling up to make a shape. Innocence shining brightly a midst the pale view of the background. Shrieks of children creating a treble of shrill noises. Running, quarreling, complaining, crying, smiling, sharing and harmonizing were cheap commodities then, now everything has price. 

Now, no one can share love, one needs to buy it. Stills from the past do make me smile from within, from being an innocent young toddler followed by a childhood filled with a carnival of happiness and then the undying annoyance towards the mid-school with a little hint of his future to an adolescence of joyousness with charging hormones creating a person who now is, angry, bit selfish and has a sense of constructiveness finally ends up on a trodden path of life with the actions or course takes slight or no turn and evolving a man. And by this, everything is gone, few things for good and few just lost and difficult to re-live.

A new person with a different perspective to the world is born, a person coming out of paradise only to realize that a cave of darkness separates him from the realizing the goal to reach, the next paradise. Few, make it out early, few take time but eventually cross it. The hint is not about realizing the goal or cherishing what you have got, it’s about all the lost souls that you had to leave behind to get in shape.Earlier, life was simple, less confusing and less haunting.

The point of view has changed and will keep changing from time to time. It’s us who can try to be constant and stay in one piece.

Sometimes old memories just put up a smile upon my face. :)

To Infinity And Beyond....

To infinity and beyond

She walked past my theater of dreams
without even sparing a glimpse
she ought to have taken a different road
if I knew; I would have let my hand out.

The emotions will always be camouflaged
with a slight hint of annoyance and despair
she walked endlessly
from road to road, from lane to lane
to reach somewhere, infinite.

She stalled the traffic of my thoughts
she took hold of the mast of my desires
she mocked my helplessness towards her
she clinched my hopes and let it all burn.

Oh, what a sight, befallen in front of my eyes
the epicenter of emotions is going through turmoil
the dreams of the future that I had sewn, are now tearing apart
still she remains unfazed by this
and all she does, is walk towards the unknown,
to somewhere infinite and beyond.

K.L.P.D

She moaned and groaned, something must have clicked, I thought, I took it out and let it in again, still she made a hassling sound. I tried and re-tried to work on it, sweaty I was, tired I was, maybe she was too, I let her drink the cold water and then I made another attempt and inserted it again, this time, she didn't screech and the key worked and so, I closed the car door and drove off. 

(To Tell An Angel....) : "My entry for the Get Published contest."

Starting off with flings, starting way back in KG 2 (trust me…!); with 9 different girls at various stages of life, and ending up fixated on one, it’s been a hell of a bumpy ride.

Broke myself and fooled others only to realize the last standing fool is me. I kept switching from one girl to another and each time when I decided to get serious, either the luck would bring me down or someone else caught my eye, someone who was always there and yet I failed to look at her.

It’s about how lost opportunities become lost causes, how broken hearts can never be mended, how every tear drop that ever rolled can never be discarded and how falling for someone else while being in a relationship with the other can make you fall so hard, one day that you actually look at yourself with hatred.

The intensity with which one girl can make you go head over heels is numbing and from being a Casanova to end up like a “Devdas” or “Dev-D”. How someone becomes known from being unknown and how you put an end to everything and decide to be a one-girl-man.

How the girl whom I like, tied me “Rakhi” while we were kids and then just let it be an one-time affair and how the expression changed over her face when I told her that I was going to propose a girl and then how everything fell apart and all that remains are just the bits of broken trusts and unlevered ties.

She is the inspiration throughout the story. It’s the faintest of thought that drives me, and all because of the feeling of losing her has helped me find a closure with music, I changed, in short, Got into an IIT, made a band, learned to write stuffs, composed and recorded songs and all this for what?

So, that I could become at least something before I ask her to be my everything, and now I’m lost at the cross roads of life, I have options but there is none that I want to take that does not include her and slowly and slowly I’m falling apart, if I can’t tell her now, then I don't think i can ever.

She once told me while we went out, “ Isn't the feeling magical, when you read books like this and get to know what you meant to him, it’s the sweetest of all the feelings, I wish someday, someone does that to me.” And this is where I want to kick-in, if given the opportunity, I’ll want to do that for her, this way or another.

I know her answer will be a NO; I’m too late, but hey, if I’m going out of her life anyway, so why not go out this way.

“I don’t care if I’ll live to see the breaking of dawn after tonight,

if I’m allowed to stay with you just for the night”
(No sick feelings)
:P

This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs fromYashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

If you like it, then please do vote for it....(follow the following link) :-

http://www.indiblogger.in/getpublished/idea/270/

A ROAD-SIDE DWELLER

A ROAD-SIDE DWELLER

She was young but her body said otherwise
Tender hands were long gone, only rough patches remained
her efforts were not clandestine and vision had become bleak
She looked at her child sleeping quietly
and then set to explore her luck

Who was she?

A road-side dweller, trying to earn square meal for the sole child of hers
many a vehicle’s passed and mocked her sanity
many a person looked at her, showing no humanity
but very few did care to hold a thought for her suffering
but then again, all this made her believe she was disdain

She gasped for every penny, that we usually throw away
collecting litters in the meantime, hoping to meet her luck
that had eluded her for such a longueur
but still her fellow compeer’s told her to have faith
she smiled at herself and at others

Yet, another day passed without earning a single penny
she cherished, the long forsaken dream, which she saw
And along with it slowly dipped her child in the still water
just to watch her new-born gasping for breath and tears said the same,
and she cried and  whispered, “In some other world we will meet,
this world is much broken for you, it can’t be repaired.”
And after this, she herself jumped in the water, unceremoniously but peacefully
and yet the newspaper read, “Road-side dweller, kills one’s son and then in shame, does the same.”
And yet, no one could care less about the several reasons unknown…….

NOTE - It’s all fictitious…not aimed at anyone, so don’t draw any relations… :P  ;)  :P