Childhood for sale? I'm buying it!

Childhood  for sale? I'm buying it!

Little hands fiddling and curling up to make a shape. Innocence shining brightly a midst the pale view of the background. Shrieks of children creating a treble of shrill noises. Running, quarreling, complaining, crying, smiling, sharing and harmonizing were cheap commodities then, now everything has price. 

Now, no one can share love, one needs to buy it. Stills from the past do make me smile from within, from being an innocent young toddler followed by a childhood filled with a carnival of happiness and then the undying annoyance towards the mid-school with a little hint of his future to an adolescence of joyousness with charging hormones creating a person who now is, angry, bit selfish and has a sense of constructiveness finally ends up on a trodden path of life with the actions or course takes slight or no turn and evolving a man. And by this, everything is gone, few things for good and few just lost and difficult to re-live.

A new person with a different perspective to the world is born, a person coming out of paradise only to realize that a cave of darkness separates him from the realizing the goal to reach, the next paradise. Few, make it out early, few take time but eventually cross it. The hint is not about realizing the goal or cherishing what you have got, it’s about all the lost souls that you had to leave behind to get in shape.Earlier, life was simple, less confusing and less haunting.

The point of view has changed and will keep changing from time to time. It’s us who can try to be constant and stay in one piece.

Sometimes old memories just put up a smile upon my face. :)

To Infinity And Beyond....

To infinity and beyond

She walked past my theater of dreams
without even sparing a glimpse
she ought to have taken a different road
if I knew; I would have let my hand out.

The emotions will always be camouflaged
with a slight hint of annoyance and despair
she walked endlessly
from road to road, from lane to lane
to reach somewhere, infinite.

She stalled the traffic of my thoughts
she took hold of the mast of my desires
she mocked my helplessness towards her
she clinched my hopes and let it all burn.

Oh, what a sight, befallen in front of my eyes
the epicenter of emotions is going through turmoil
the dreams of the future that I had sewn, are now tearing apart
still she remains unfazed by this
and all she does, is walk towards the unknown,
to somewhere infinite and beyond.

K.L.P.D

She moaned and groaned, something must have clicked, I thought, I took it out and let it in again, still she made a hassling sound. I tried and re-tried to work on it, sweaty I was, tired I was, maybe she was too, I let her drink the cold water and then I made another attempt and inserted it again, this time, she didn't screech and the key worked and so, I closed the car door and drove off. 

(To Tell An Angel....) : "My entry for the Get Published contest."

Starting off with flings, starting way back in KG 2 (trust me…!); with 9 different girls at various stages of life, and ending up fixated on one, it’s been a hell of a bumpy ride.

Broke myself and fooled others only to realize the last standing fool is me. I kept switching from one girl to another and each time when I decided to get serious, either the luck would bring me down or someone else caught my eye, someone who was always there and yet I failed to look at her.

It’s about how lost opportunities become lost causes, how broken hearts can never be mended, how every tear drop that ever rolled can never be discarded and how falling for someone else while being in a relationship with the other can make you fall so hard, one day that you actually look at yourself with hatred.

The intensity with which one girl can make you go head over heels is numbing and from being a Casanova to end up like a “Devdas” or “Dev-D”. How someone becomes known from being unknown and how you put an end to everything and decide to be a one-girl-man.

How the girl whom I like, tied me “Rakhi” while we were kids and then just let it be an one-time affair and how the expression changed over her face when I told her that I was going to propose a girl and then how everything fell apart and all that remains are just the bits of broken trusts and unlevered ties.

She is the inspiration throughout the story. It’s the faintest of thought that drives me, and all because of the feeling of losing her has helped me find a closure with music, I changed, in short, Got into an IIT, made a band, learned to write stuffs, composed and recorded songs and all this for what?

So, that I could become at least something before I ask her to be my everything, and now I’m lost at the cross roads of life, I have options but there is none that I want to take that does not include her and slowly and slowly I’m falling apart, if I can’t tell her now, then I don't think i can ever.

She once told me while we went out, “ Isn't the feeling magical, when you read books like this and get to know what you meant to him, it’s the sweetest of all the feelings, I wish someday, someone does that to me.” And this is where I want to kick-in, if given the opportunity, I’ll want to do that for her, this way or another.

I know her answer will be a NO; I’m too late, but hey, if I’m going out of her life anyway, so why not go out this way.

“I don’t care if I’ll live to see the breaking of dawn after tonight,

if I’m allowed to stay with you just for the night”
(No sick feelings)
:P

This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs fromYashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India.

If you like it, then please do vote for it....(follow the following link) :-

http://www.indiblogger.in/getpublished/idea/270/

A ROAD-SIDE DWELLER

A ROAD-SIDE DWELLER

She was young but her body said otherwise
Tender hands were long gone, only rough patches remained
her efforts were not clandestine and vision had become bleak
She looked at her child sleeping quietly
and then set to explore her luck

Who was she?

A road-side dweller, trying to earn square meal for the sole child of hers
many a vehicle’s passed and mocked her sanity
many a person looked at her, showing no humanity
but very few did care to hold a thought for her suffering
but then again, all this made her believe she was disdain

She gasped for every penny, that we usually throw away
collecting litters in the meantime, hoping to meet her luck
that had eluded her for such a longueur
but still her fellow compeer’s told her to have faith
she smiled at herself and at others

Yet, another day passed without earning a single penny
she cherished, the long forsaken dream, which she saw
And along with it slowly dipped her child in the still water
just to watch her new-born gasping for breath and tears said the same,
and she cried and  whispered, “In some other world we will meet,
this world is much broken for you, it can’t be repaired.”
And after this, she herself jumped in the water, unceremoniously but peacefully
and yet the newspaper read, “Road-side dweller, kills one’s son and then in shame, does the same.”
And yet, no one could care less about the several reasons unknown…….

NOTE - It’s all fictitious…not aimed at anyone, so don’t draw any relations… :P  ;)  :P

A Crispy Apology

A CRISPY APOLOGY

“So what do you do?” , she asked me promptly, with a lingering tone of discomfort, carefully caressing the coffee mug , kept on the table.

I was feeling a bit bleakish and could clearly see this relationship not working through. She worked in a software company and how did we end up on date? Well, let’s say the mutual friends made this possible as they thought we both would be great for each other.

“Well, I’m currently with a software company ‘professional’ but can’t really promise how long will I be associated with ‘it’, let’s see.” I tried to introduce “humour” in the sluggishly going conversation as a rescue element to save this effort made by our friends.

She smiled a bit, she knew what I was referring to.
“You know, for a software company ‘professional’, you don’t look so….”
I cut her in between her sentence finishing it with, “well-mannered or professional?”
She smirked and said, “No. I mean you don’t look so qualified.”

“Hah”, I said with a n egoist smile and shot back at her, “So, what kind of person will be eligible for you, ma’am?”
She instantly replied, as if she was waiting for me to ask her this. “You know, someone who is fun, sensible and….. Understanding would be nice.” She replied.

“Well you know, I’m fun and not so sensible and well, definitely not understanding, so, I guess you have boarded the wrong train and I guess I don’t qualify then and yet here I am, out with you, bonding over a cup a coffee and an impolite crowd.”

She smiled, again and said, “Are you trying to flirt with me?”

“Well, now that you asked me about it, I think yeah! We’re out with each other and we don’t know each other that well, so yes, I’m definitely trying to flirt with you and that goes without saying. What did you expect from me?” I replied/asked with a smile.

“You guys are all the same, one smile from our side & you think that we've gone head-over-heels over you but what you don’t accept is that it is the other way round.” She was prompting me to get into a debate.

“No, no, no!!! I completely agree with you and accept what you say but you know I find it my duty to make you feel the same and I guarantee you that, I shall accomplish that.”

Suddenly, what started as a disastrous date was slowly taking its due course of action and somehow felt heartwarming. I was starting to like all of it now.

“So, who spoiled you so much?” she inquired.

“Well, I would like to take this opportunity to blame my mom and dad for it, they have been a real inspiration and….” and just as I said it, I remembered, the only thing that Rohan had asked me not to talk about, you see, her mom and dad were just recently divorced, so I better not have said it but it was too late, she had taken it personally and thus it followed.

“Well you left me in awe there. You are so confident of yourself and so self-engrossed in yourself and your “so called smartness” that you forget to draw out the conclusion that somehow all this over-procrastinated comment is making me feel uncomfortable. Don’t.” and said that she stood up and went away leaving behind the coffee, still warm.

It lasted barely 20-30 mins. and in all that time I somehow managed to ruin everything, I think I liked her but it was just too late and she somehow saw right through me although it was not my fault all-in-all but still it was my fault somehow, just somehow. I didn't go after her, I think I should have.

Well it was all 3 years deep in the past and now, I was waiting for the same girl in the same place under more or less similar conditions and there she walked in, just in the similar way she did 3 years earlier and the only difference was that I was more decent now. She came up to me and landed a peck on my cheek, we were now a couple and today was more or less one of the most important days of my life, that goes unsaid.
“So, what’s up with you?” she asked.
“Well, firstly, I’m sorry about what happened here 3 years back and looking at the present condition, I've been thinking about it for a long time and…” saying so, I bent over my knees and took out a ring from the pocket and completed the question, “….wanted to ask you, ‘Will you marry me’?”

And with an impeccable smile on her face, she abruptly replied, “Yes.”

J   J

NOTE-  Everything that has been narrated is totally a work of fiction, no relevance to actual instance, although the idea has been drawn from a real-life conversation. :)

Of all the sins, may god oversee these..

Of all the sins, may god oversee these

On a cold and chilly night, was roaming around, a woman, a woman in her prime 30’s named Marie. With every rush of wind, she held on to the overcoat even tighter and the teardrops were rolling down her cheeks, but she was wearing a smile, not being able to realize what she'd done. Blood was dripping down her hand and while she walked, she left a trail behind. The moon was hid in the clouds that night and being a remote part of the village, she wasn't able to see the next step that she would take. Driven by anger, she committed this horrendous crime. However, some would take her side.. those who lived what she was living through then and just when it became too much to bear, she snapped. She took out the knife from the knife stand and drove it right through his heart. It was all too sudden for the man to react and he froze momentarily, and so did she. Then she smiled and dragged out the knife slowly, mumbling a few words into his ears, “For all the times that you sinned, rest in peace”. She didn't have to push him back or something like that and all that the husband could manage was, “Y-o-u  Bi-t-c-h, go t-t-o  he-l….” and before he could finish his last words, his heart gave in. There he lay, at her feet like a lifeless creature. She was relieved and sad at the same time, but there was not a shred of fear in her eyes. She stepped back, the knife fell from her hands onto the ground, making a mild noise which was muted by the loud sound of the T.V. Her hands were still shaking, her mind trying to recover from all that just took place. She didn't wipe the floor or cleaned the blood stains on her dress, she just wiped her hand in the basin and let go of whatever happened. See, she was not afraid of getting caught; in fact, she wanted to get caught for the crime that she had committed. She was still in her senses, and as such, felt sadness for the lifeless creature lying on the ground, one whom once she fell in love with and hoped him to be her soul mate, but all that mattered no more. Her love, her husband was a fisherman. She knew there was no turning back and no point repenting what she had already done, so she took her overcoat and the knife in one hand, and walked past the room. She went out to venture in the cold outside, bolting the door behind her so that she gets at least a few hours to complete one last thing that she needed to do, before someone informs the local sheriff.

Many a times before, was she molested and beaten by her ungrateful, drunkard husband, who spent all the earned money on beer and other drinks. His beer tummy testifying to that, he always watched the game all alone, soaked in his own misery. He loved his alcohol much more than he had ever loved his wife. They have been married for 16 years now, yet they had no children. It's not that they didn't try, but every effort seemed futile and many would say that this was driving the man crazier. Her wife had been patient all these years, but she could take it no more. Her husband had lost his job and had been unemployed for the past 4 months,still no effort was made from his side to find another job. So she had to start looking for something, something that would pay her ample and would also involve pleasure, pleasure that she had been depriving for long, and her husband was an old-fat sack incapable of providing that. So, she did it. The first time, she was a bit shy, never being done this before.. but the bills kept piling up and she had to do it, no matter how hard it was for her. She said nothing and the man started what he paid for, the yanking sound of the bed was audible but her husband downstairs cared less. He didn't care whom his wife was sleeping with, as long as she kept the beers and the food coming. And to top it all off, she still received beatings and was beaten until she cried, crying loud enough to be audible to the neighbors, it had become a daily routine. She felt helpless. She possibly couldn't go to the police knowing that she'll be more or less dead, once her husband found out. Let's just face the facts here, the whole village knew what she was and what she did, and it wouldn't be long before the police themselves would be asking her for her services, summoning her every night without pay, and possible beatings worse than her husband's. So she kept quiet, for 4 months and all of this continued day-after-day-after-day, until one day she just couldn't bear it anymore, and did what she had to. That day is today, she wanted to make a point and that’s what she went to do.

Her customers were pretty much regular one's, most were unmarried while 2 were married. Even though their wives knew what their husbands were doing, they couldn't do anything to make them stop, because they were treated the same way Marie was treated by her husband. She knew what she had to do, it was all very clear in her mind. She visited the house of the two married and stabbed them to death. Although their wives didn't exactly applaud the act, they thanked Marie from within, for doing what they never could.

It was not long before the sheriff came to the crime scene. He was shocked by what he saw. He knew Marie, but never imagined her to be the violent type. Anyway, he asked the bystanders where Marie was and they all said, “She went towards the cliff, Sheriff”. And few whispered, “I think she must have committed suicide by now” and few were smiling and loathing Marie, that they couldn't stand up against their husbands.

The sheriff took his unit and headed towards the cliff. There she was, sitting beside the cliff with both of her legs hanging freely in the air, while she sat at the edge of the cliff. The wind numbed her thoughts and made her feel divine; the knife was kept beside her which was covered with blood up to the very handle. She shouted, “Hey Sheriff, what option does a woman in my position have, other than to kill that self-loathed bastard? He’d beat me the whenever he felt like, breaking so many bones in the process that I lost count. I sold my body countless times, hoping to provide for his comfort, and believing that he would change.. but nothing did. Not he, not his ways of treating me, not my life! What choice did I have Sheriff? What choice?!” And with that, she raised her hand in the air.

The sheriff replied, “That doesn't mean that you should take the law in your own hands! Besides that, you could have come to us anytime, we were there for you, and we are there to protect you.”

“Really?! Protect me, my ass! You know what would've happened if I went to you, you would have shoo'ed me first and then, after a few days you would have taken advantage of me just like they did. Then I would have to kill you as well, adding to my already long list of crimes. So it seems, I saved your ass, Sheriff!”, and saying that, she took a dive into the running stream of water flowing beneath the cliff. Before the sheriff or his department could do anything, she was out of their sights. She left behind the murder weapon, which was lying there with blood covered all over it.

Sheriff didn't know what to say. Deep inside, he knew what she said was indeed right. So all he could manage to say was, “Tag that knife, that’s the evidence!”, and saying so, he disappeared into the dark road. A teardrop did roll down his eye, but just a drop and the chaos at the crime scene continued..

NOTE- AGAIN, ANY RELATION TO DEAD OR ALIVE IS PURELY CO-INCIDENTAL. THIS IS A PART OF THE AUTHOR'S IMAGINATION. SO MAKE PEACE WITH IT FELLA’S!