Starting off with flings, starting way back in KG 2 (trust
me…!); with 9 different girls at various stages of life, and ending up fixated
on one, it’s been a hell of a bumpy ride.
Broke myself and fooled others only to realize the last standing
fool is me. I kept switching from one girl to another and each time when I
decided to get serious, either the luck would bring me down or someone else
caught my eye, someone who was always there and yet I failed to look at her.
It’s about how lost opportunities become lost causes, how
broken hearts can never be mended, how every tear drop that ever rolled can
never be discarded and how falling for someone else while being in a
relationship with the other can make you fall so hard, one day that you actually
look at yourself with hatred.
The intensity with which one girl can make you go head over
heels is numbing and from being a Casanova to end up like a “Devdas” or
“Dev-D”. How someone becomes known from being unknown and how you put an end to
everything and decide to be a one-girl-man.
How the girl whom I like, tied me “Rakhi” while we were kids
and then just let it be an one-time affair and how the expression changed over
her face when I told her that I was going to propose a girl and then how
everything fell apart and all that remains are just the bits of broken trusts
and unlevered ties.
She is the inspiration throughout the story. It’s the
faintest of thought that drives me, and all because of the feeling of losing
her has helped me find a closure with music, I changed, in short, Got into an
IIT, made a band, learned to write stuffs, composed and recorded songs and all
this for what?
So, that I could become at least something before I ask her
to be my everything, and now I’m lost at the cross roads of life, I have options
but there is none that I want to take that does not include her and slowly and
slowly I’m falling apart, if I can’t tell her now, then I don't think i can ever.
She once told me while we went out, “ Isn't the feeling
magical, when you read books like this and get to know what you meant to him,
it’s the sweetest of all the feelings, I wish someday, someone does that
to me.” And this is where I want to kick-in, if given the opportunity, I’ll
want to do that for her, this way or another.
I know her answer will be a NO; I’m too late, but hey, if
I’m going out of her life anyway, so why not go out this way.
“I don’t care if I’ll live to see the breaking of dawn after tonight,
if I’m allowed to stay with you just for the night”(No sick feelings)
:P
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